As I mentioned in my last blog post, Blog #6: Life Happens, it was a rough week.

Friday I woke up to get ready for our trip to Glasgow and wasn’t really feeling myself. Since I have been here I have loved every minute of it. However, for some reason this morning I just wasn’t feeling mentally and emotionally well.

In the past few months I have been feeling very lost in who I am as a person and it has been taking a toll on me. Before this past New Years Eve, I can honestly say that I had no clue why I was coming to Scotland let alone studying abroad in general. For those of you who know me, they know that this is not something I would normally do, but for some reason I applied and stuck with it.

So, as the semester went on I kept feeling more lost and confused in who I was as a person, in the world and especially in my faith. Since I was still in school, there really wasn’t much I did about it because I was preoccupied with finals and the holidays coming up. After talking to a few people and praying for a few weeks asking for help in what to do I finally got my answer. It was time for some changes. After recalibrating my life and making the changes that were necessary I was ready to turn over a new me.

I have always been a believer in Christ, but I never knew what it meant to have a relationship with God. Early on in my first semster of sophomore year in college I got involved with an organization on campus called CRU (Crusade for Christ) and I can honestly say it saved my life. I would go to the weekly meetings and participate in the bible studies, but I still didn’t feel happy or full.

As we were going through the semester I heard about the CRU Winter Conference and decided to apply for a scholarship to see if I was able to go. I was extremely blessed with a great scholarship and was able to attend the conference. We were there for a total of five days and throughout the days we did different activies and outreach programs which were all extraordinary. However, I still wasn’t feeling like I had reached what I was looking for so the last night of the conference, which was New Years Eve, I prayed the hardest and deepest I ever had. I asked God to help me find him, show me that he is in my life and I asked him to help me accept him into my heart and build a relationship with me.

And then it happened.

The moment I had been waiting for. I finally heard God louder than I ever had. He was actually calling to me, reaching out for me, wanting me to be with him and build a relationship with him. He was there to help me, protect me and guide me through everything. I was finally able to hear him and knew that he is my God and that I am his daughter. After that feeling I cried for about 15 minutes because I was so happy that I finally knew. I knew in my heart that God was there for me and that I had him and that I was saved, loved, forgiven, protected, and wanted.

Wanted.

Feeling that I was wanted by someone was the best feeling ever. I was wanted. Me. Someone who has been a sinner their whole life. Who has done more wrong that right at times, yet none of that mattered to Him. He was there to save me and forgive me. I was wanted.

The next day we headed for home. I was feeling fantastic, I was so excited to share my experience with everyone, and I did for a while. But, as time went on I got caught up in my old habits and that feeling of being wanted and close to God slowly started to fade and I felt myself getting lost again.

About a month after the confrence it was time to leave for Scotland. I was equally excited as I was nervous for my new adventure. It was a time to find out who I am and what my purpose is in life.

Fast forward to a few days ago. Friday, February 24th, was a teribble day. I was feeling so down on myself, like I had gone back to square one. I didn’t know why I was in this program or why God cared so much to even keep me around at all.

I took some time throughout the weekend to be with myself and reflect on where I was at.

Sunday (Feb 26th, 2017) night rolled around and it was a bad night. I couldn’t stop crying and I was feeling so helpless, so I asked one of my friends to talk and we talked for a long time about everything that had been going on. At the end of our talk he asked if he could pray and I said of course, but what he said next will forever change my life.

He asked if I wanted to fully accept Christ into my life and I said yes I really do, so he said repeat after me. So I did. And I couldn’t be more excited to say that I have wholly accepted Christ into my life.

From now on I am going to serve the Lord in all ways I can and turn to Him for all my needs, wants, dreams, everything. He is my God and I am His daughter.